The Art of Asking: A Tuition Appeal for Global Health

The struggle is (not)real!

Why are some of us so addicted to the struggle? 

I do believe challenge is a necessary and important part of life. After all, this is where we have the potential to learn and grow the most. But the red flag comes up when there is a pattern of struggle in the same area (finances, relationships etc) for years and years on end. This begs the question, what made us fall into this pattern and how is it serving us?

You may have noticed that I have been “struggling” to pay tuition since I started at Bastyr (I should share, by the way, that I’m totally over it). Needless to say, when being removed from classes became a real possibility I had to do some digging into the source of this pattern. 

Let me first say that limitations, disadvantage, exclusion etc are very real problems of systems and institutions (some intentional, others by default) that create unequal and unfair access. But within the limitlessness of the Universe, we MUST also examine our OWN MENTAL relationship with limitation, disadvantage and exclusion to see what role we are playing in creating the reality we no longer desire. 

Thanks to the guidance and support from my dear friend (and baddass Spiritual Counselor btw) Shevy Cardoza as well as input from friends and family (shout out to my girl Kate, Anyieth and hubbie Jason) I have greater clarity on the various ways and reasons we may stay in the habit of struggle. 

Here are some Major Keys:

1. Struggle creates an opportunity for overcoming adversity. Overcoming adversity creates a feeling of success and justification of one’s value. In other words, you can prove to yourself (and others) “i am worth it”  or “i am special” with each struggle and corresponding success. Are you addicted to struggle because it helps affirm your self-worth? Can you instead affirm your sense of worth by who you are, rather than what you achieve and overcome?

2. David Campbell’s 'The Hero's Journey' is venerated in society (leaving the ordinary world, answering a call to adventure, facing a great challenge, overcoming it and returning transformed). My most authentic hero’s journey happened when I left medical school in Jamaica and fell into a great ABYSS, then answered the call to the adventure of naturopathic medicine in WA state. But now that I am here, do I need to keep repeating that cycle? No. The heroes journey is one of the Soul - the inherent desires that lead to a path of purpose. We must be sure we do not use the admiration of the hero’s journey to justify our day to day experience of struggle. This also ties into the first point.

3. Struggle helps keep us in our comfort zone of happiness. When we are in the flow of ease and freedom and abundance, re-affirming struggle helps us keep the “happiness meter” where we are used to it.

4. Depending on how we were raised, we are used to a certain balance between struggle and ease. Breaking that pattern means major change and change is always scary. Because identity is of the Ego there is inherent resistance to losing that identity.

5. The struggle keeps us worried and busy and therefore helps distract us from dealing with the even more challenging aspects of life, like difficulty emotions or committing to our spiritual development. 

6. Struggle helps affirm patterns of self-hatred. "Why do bad things happen to good people?" is another way of saying bad people deserve bad things. So if I think I am a bad person for whatever reason, the struggle and suffering that 'bad things' bring is deserving and affirms the hatred I sometimes feel of myself. 

7. There is a pay-off to suffering, which is that we can avoid growing up. If I struggle, there is a greater chance that someone who loves me will treat me how I used to be treated as a child: an outpouring of love and being taken care of until I feel better.  

So. Is the struggle really that real? Is it necessary? Are we identified and addicted to it without even realizing? Are we drawing out the process with unconscious patterns? Is it even serving us in this moment? 

~ Why not chose joy and ease? And harness the skills required to handle life’s challenges as they come with grace? ~

I would love to hear what comes up for you and your relationship to struggle and the tools you may have used to liberate yourself from this mentality. 

All my love to you. 

The journey continues…

Kimani